A Stepmother Is MIA
Just kidding – we had a strange weekend here at the old Bleep Household. Nothing bad…nothing good…a lot of just odd. We continue to experience gurgles from the Girl…more and more we are convinced that she is uncomfortable with me in general and with her half-brother in particular.
Friday, as you all know, was another mini D-Day for the lad. I asked him if had had a chance to contact any of the resources I found for him – he hadn’t. I tried explaining the next set of resources I had for him, including 3 online job sites that I set up accounts for him on, the name of the youth league referee coordinator (the Lad has expressed interest in become a professional referee) and 3 restaurant owners (he also has shown some interest in this area). I asked him for his email address – which he has yet to give me. Basically we have had no movement as far as he goes. I know, I know, none of us are surprised right?
Hubba took him to the corner store Saturday night and they talked for about an hour out in front of the house. Apparently O once again expressed to the Lad that something has to change. That we want him here, if he is working towards a future, but if he isn’t…The lad confirmed a few things for us though. The Girl has, very specifically, told him that the Little Guy isn’t really their brother (which he is) and that Mrs. X has repeatedly given him the “Your father has a new family now and can’t be worried about you any more” speech as well as the ‘you are getting the short end of the stick’ speech.
I don’t understand this. Why is Mrs. X doing this? Supporting these lies? Telling my SS that we don’t care about him and that if I wasn’t here everything would be hunky dorey? I don’t get it….
There are like six different posts based on just the information above, but I’m tired, tired of trying, tired of fighting for a better future for my SS (and yes, that is what I am doing in a weird way). I’m sure that tomorrow, in the bright light of day I’ll feel like continuing, but right now, I’m just so tired.
I’ll be making the round to all my favorite stepmoms and stepdads to catch up on your lives.
I’m Just So Tired,
The Wicked, and Exhausted, Stepmother
I don’t know why Mrs. X or any mom would want to say something so awful to their kids… When my son was born, specifically, the day after he was born, my husbands ex told my SD that “now that daddy has a NEW family, he won’t bother with you anymore, but LUCKILY you have me and your REAL dad, John. He’s more of a father to you than your dad ever was (which is ex’s new hubby). The only reason we know this is because 1) SD told hubby this, and 2) crazy ex has posted this on SD’s facebook page. By the way, the ex met this new “wonderful” hubby (15 years her junior) in a bar, and they like to take my SD out to bars for fun and get her drunk… what a great father figure he is…. My husband is just a stick in the mud because he doesn’t like to smoke pot or take his daughter out to get sloshed.
I cannot imagine sitting my son down one day and telling him that ANYONE that he loves and cares about doesn’t love or care about him anymore. Even if I thought for one minute that it was true, why would I want to hurt him like that? What the hell is wrong with a woman like this? Are they that insecure that the need to remove all the family competition and they would sacrifice their kids mental health for it?? I honestly think my hubbys ex loves it that her DD is in therapy… she tells everyone and anyone who will listen. (including my mailman LOL)
I feel bad sometimes for my husbands daughter, because I know that without that father/daughter bond, she will never have a healthy relationship with any man in the future. She can thank her mom, one day for that.
Some Ex’s will say anything to make themselves look like the better parent, even if it means smearing the other parent’s name.
You know we have a situation much like yours with The Lad (except my SS lives with his grandparents now). We have tried to be firm and patient with SS, but eventually his time and our patience is going to run out. (Deadline = Sept 17). His mother has said things like: “Your Daddy and Stepmom don’t care about you at all, do they?” “Why are they being so mean to you?” and the kicker: “You can always come live with me” (the alcoholic, absentee mom who has mostly ignored his existence for 6 years).
There is nothing wrong with expecting your kid to do things to build a brighter future, but you can only lead the horse to water – you can’t make him drink. You can provide incentives and motivation, but ultimately the kid is the one who has to get off his tail and do it. If he doesn’t do it, then you have to follow through with your plan or he will never take you seriously. I think my stepson thinks I’m bluffing. He will soon find out I’m not!
hmm… Why do I get the impression that you are suddenly so active in “helping” him so that you can say “I did all I could” once you will throw him out at the end of the month?
Don’t know. Perhaps I’m just a pessimist…
I really applaud that you have been consistently providing the Lad with information so he can get a job or go back to school. I know you’ve been doing this since I’ve been reading so it’s not a sudden thing on your part. It sounds like the DH knows that you’ve been trying to find information for the DH and the best you can do is know that you two have tried to help him. Helping him doesn’t mean that he gets to live rent-free, party all the time, etc.
I don’t know why the Ex would say these things but it occurred to me that it’s a way to deflect her part in not getting the Lad to grow up and take care of himself on his own. All you can do now is let the DH deal with this. Hang in there and ignore the people who have nothing constructive to say or people who have their own agendas. You can’t fight them and it’s not worth the time and energy.
… We’ve talked about this Wicked and I think what goes on with the Crack Whore is similar to what’s happening with Mrs. Ex.
Mrs. Ex is probably more then a little perturbed that O found someone else that he has a good relationship with.. who is willing to do what needs to be done regarding the kids.. and therefore, no longer feels “needed” or “necessary” so she does things to stir the pot just to make it known that SHE still has some kind of influence.
In my case ( and I’m not sure it’s the same with Mrs. Ex but from what we talked about it probably is) .. even after their marriage desolved, he still had to rely on her to deal with the kids when he worked late or whatever. She always felt that that she was irreplacable (sp?) and used every opportunity to hang it over his head. Once I came into the picture, she felt threatened and caused all kinds of drama because of it…
My advice? Do what you know is best.. like Sharon said, the best you can do is present the information .. show him that regardless of what he does or doesn’t do with it you are still interested in his life and willing to help him.. and let DH handle the rest.
It’s been a long time since you posted this. I hope all is well.
Hope you are okay!!! It’s been a while!
Ugh! You stole the words out of my mouth!!! Although, mine is a 16 year old girl! Yikes. The dynamics of being a step mother are always fun aren’t they.
I think that Mrs. X is just jealous and that the more you can do to not let her influence affect your family the better. I love the line “I’m sorry you feel that way…”
I can’t count how many times I have felt like just giving up on all of it and moving some place far, far away but much like you I wake up the next day and there I am again participating in the routines of it all. Best of luck…shoot me an email sometime it sounds like we have a lot in common!
Johannamdunn@aol.com
-Hanna!
So, what happened to your ultimatum?