A Stepmother Goes To Bed

Well, I cannot say I am feeling any better.  I tried again to speak to my husband about setting goals for his son.  I’m not talking about crazy making goals here either.  Rather I would like to set goals like R will go to school or R will get a full-time job.  Something, anything to move him forward out of this life he has chosen for himself.  O tells me that I have lost the ‘fun’ in life.  That I can’t see the forest for the trees.  He doesn’t understand that the trees have all fallen, felled by a giant hand.  They lay in a giant swath across our path.  They are blocking our way. 

In my fairy tale home, the decisions I make with my husband are decision we uphold.  If we decide that everyone has to wear wings on Tuesday, I actually expect everyone to put on their fairy wings and flit around – even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else.  Our home, our decisions, our rules.  My reality is I wake up Tuesday morning and carefully put on my fairy wings and step out to see the rest of the family wingless looking at me like I’m crazy

I’d like to blame all of this on the fact that I am a stepmother, but the truth is there are other forces at work here.  First, I see things in black and white – there is no middle ground for me.  You are either right or wrong, there is no sort of.  Second, I seem to be lacking some communication skills.  I feel bad, I can’t understand how to put this right.  To me, it is so important, critical, that we guide R, teach him life skills, help him find a path towards a better future, but I don’t know that it is worth fighting with my husband all the time. At face value, it seems like an easy choice, but here is the kicker, at the core I can’t stand the rule breaking, the cheating, the lying.  It strikes at my heart and hurts me.  Its like daggers to me.  So again, I am still lost and lonely.  O is sleeping peacefully next to me, S just one room over, God only knows where R is….why do I feel so bad about this?

I promise, faithful readers (of who I think I have none) that I will return to funny tomorrow.

Until then, I remain faithfully yours,

The entirely too morose Wicked Stepmother